Untying the knots of the ego can begin early
I realised pretty early on in my life I was here to learn. Taking the summer off when I left school at 16, meant I had time to think. Getting a job wasn’t so easy. Some opportunities came along, but I wasn’t going to just settle for anything. I wanted to work in an office, with a typewriter. Ambition wasn’t a factor for me in those days. So I spent many contemplative hours lying in our garden, listening to radio 4 mostly and learning through insights. My life had been pretty shabby up until that point, nothing terrible, you know in the grand scheme of things. But nothing much wonderful either. I was lucky in many respects though, so don’t think I am complaining. Little did I realise it was the beginning of my journey of untying the knots of the ego.
Life is a lesson
One of the lessons I have learned over the years that you sometimes have to experience the “not so good” to understand and appreciate “the good”. So in my contemplation during that summer, I remember talking to my inner wisdom and asking why my parents were like they were. They were honestly doing their best. However, we weren’t exactly the most functional of families, even though there was lots of love. The answer was one I was ready for at that time. My guidance made me see my parents had experienced lots of hardship, sorrow, and loss in their lives, which had made them who they were at that time. I realised during my ruminations that their lack of emotional connection and pre-occupation with scarcity and guilt-inducing judgments about themselves and their offspring were nothing to do with me. Up until then, I felt responsible for their unhappiness.
My parents were not gods
Something changed for me during that summer, I really was untying the knots of the ego, starting with the big one which had tied me up during my early childhood years. I realised my parents were not gods. They were just human. Although they were doing their best, and I loved them dearly, they didn’t really know how to act on their own or their kids best interests. The liberation from a weight which I had carried around for years lifted as insight after insight changed my perspective.
Following on from that summer, I am still untying the knots of the ego. Some are easier to extract myself from than others, but what I do know for sure, is it is the work of a lifetime.